Crazy Good

Any experimentation I've done with substituting cauliflower for carbs e.g. potatoes, bread, etc, has been successful in that it was tasty and I didn't go blind after eating it. The consistency of these dishes was usually a little disappointing in that there's no way a plate of mush could double as a grilled cheese... until today. A small series of minor yet unforseen events led to a lovely cauliflower thin crust that not only holds it's shape, it holds it's shape very well and can be handled easily sans total destruction. Warning: the following instructions are just what I did personally, I'm sure there are other ways of achieving similar results... I'm just winging it over here.

Italian Seasoned Crazy Bread

Bread:
1 lb cauliflower florets (I used half of a frozen 1 kg bag)
1/2 cup parmesan
4oz cream cheese, cut into chunks
1/2 tsp garlic salt
1/4 tsp onion flakes
1/4 tsp sea salt
2 eggs
2 tbs olive oil

Preheat oven to 375. I used the world's loudest food processor to finely chop the frozen cauliflower until it was the basically the consistency of uncooked rice with a few larger chunks remaining for good measure. I spread it evenly in an ungreased 13 x 9 baking pan then baked it for about 20 minutes to cook out some of the moisture. Removed the pan from the oven and let it cool about 10 minutes then scraped the cauliflower into a large cloth (use a tea towel... I didn't have a tea towel. Mistake AND a lame story) twisted it closed and squeezed the shit out of it over the sink to extract the water. It took a few tries but I was left with a dense lump of 'dough' that looked like it measured about a cup in volume. I was all, whaaaaat? That's it that's all that's everything?? But I pressed on.
Placed the dough in a medium mixing bowl added all the remaining ingredients. I first kind of mashed it all together with my hands (mistake) then used a blender to smooth it all out. Tasted it and corrected the seasoning with another shake of salt. Greased the same baking pan with the olive oil then scraped the cauliflower mixture into the pan and evenly patted it flat. I was horrified... the layer of veg was like 1/4 of an inch thick (mistake) I'd underestimated how far the pound of cauliflower would go, but whatever right? Popped the pan back in the oven, baked for 12 minutes until it was puffing up and brown around the edges. Took it out of the oven, then prepared the topping.

Seasoning:
5 tbs parmesan
1 tbs italian seasoning
1/2 tsp sea salt
2 tbs unsalted butter, melted

I combined the dry ingredients and set them aside. Drizzled the melted butter all over the cauli bread, then sprinkled the seasoning evenly and liberally all over the butter. Put the pan back in the oven one last time and cranked it up to broil. Kept a close eye on it for about 4 minutes until golden (it browned very abruptly) and remove it from the oven. Leave it to cool in the pan about 10 minutes then cut it into squares... and whaddya know, it held together! My stupidity pays off!!